do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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