she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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