soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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