Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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