i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
