he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
