Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
