I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
