i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
