I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
