Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
