No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
