Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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