i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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