people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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