There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
