It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
