I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
