I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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