You're my little dorito
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
