it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
