OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
