Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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