You're my little dorito
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
