My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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