Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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