I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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