I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
