I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize