Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
