i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
