It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
