I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
