I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I supernannyed him into submission
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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