so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize