Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
