You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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