I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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