His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
handjob tips. give me some.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
