Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
