The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
