Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
