good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bring me that man meat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
