Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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