Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize