did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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