OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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