Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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