Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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