You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
