So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
