Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
