idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
