Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
