i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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