Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
