I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
