why do cheetos always look like penises
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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