So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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