I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
