Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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