My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
