Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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