There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
