Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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