I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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