The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
