Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
